


Frank

by alongandhealthyhate



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 06:10:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4553763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alongandhealthyhate/pseuds/alongandhealthyhate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The eternal question of what Margaret could possibly see in Frank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frank

It's been a mystery since his first day at the 4077th, when he stepped off the bus into mud and very nearly into Hot Lips.

“Watch it!”

“Sorry, Honey, I seem to have left my sense of balance in my other coat.” His manner is automatically flirtatious even when apologising.

“That's _Major_ ,” she says, eyes narrowing.

She's annoyed, that much is obvious, but he isn't dissuaded. “Major Honey? That's a great name, how did your parents come up with it?” 

“I'm a major, Captain.”

“A major-captain? Is that like a brigadier-general? I have no idea, this is all new to me.” He smiles to show that he's more-or-less friendly, even and especially to angry-looking blondes.

“Are you the new surgeon?” she asks, all business.

“Me? No, I'm just here to clean out the pool.”

“Great,” she says, “another clown.”

On cue the man he will later know as Trapper John comes to his rescue. “Welcome to the Korean Police Action.”

“I hope it's as good as the reviews suggest.” He watches her leave, admiring the view.

“Forget it,” says Trapper. “she's a lost cause. Besides, she has Frank Burns.”

“Who's Frank Burns?” 

 

 

Trapper looks around for her shadow when she sits down across from them in the mess tent.“No Ferretface?”

“Major Burns is dealing with some paperwork,” she says with a dignity Frank has never deserved.

“I've never felt sorry for paper before,” says Hawkeye. “Pass the salt, darling.”

She glares at him over her powdered eggs and 1943 surplus meat. “I am not your darling!”

“I was talking to Trapper.” The salt is duly passed and then he adds, “I've never understood what you see in Frank. You're not unattractive, you could probably get a man with lips and a chin.”

The outraged reply is cut off by Trapper's considered opinion on the matter. “It's the brass.” 

“It is not!”

“Sure it is. You need someone your own rank or above, and that only leaves Frank and Henry.”

“And Henry's already married to Radar,” says Hawkeye.

Without another word she picks up her tray and moves to another table. Hawkeye looks at Trapper and asks, “Was it something we said?”

 

 

The answer arrives two months later on the way to the 8063rd. The road is quiet and Hawkeye has never been good at long silences.

“Did you ever hear the one about the bear that owned a potato farm?”

She says nothing, so he tries again. “It's a good story, it even has a punchline.”

Nothing.

“You can talk to me, I won't tell Frank.”

“Can it, Pierce.” 

“I'd hate to get between you two love-birds. Even though Frank is a -”

“Why do you always have to make fun of him?”

“I can't help it, he inspires disdain. The real mystery is why you bother giving him the time of day.”

“It's not a mystery,” she says. 

“So it's an enigma. A riddle. A conundrum, even.”

Finally she takes her eyes off the road to look right at him. “Do you really want to know? Honestly?”

“Sure,” he says, “maybe I can learn to love him like you do.”

She's quiet for a moment and then she says, “He treats me with respect.”

He tries to think of a flippant reply, but his mind has gone suddenly blank. He settles for a simple repetition. “Respect?”

She nods. “Respect. That's all I've ever asked for, from any of you.”

He wants to argue that Frank Burns isn't capable of respecting anyone, but his wit has gone AWOL and she has turned away once more.


End file.
